DOMESTIC VIOLENCE....

People respect me.
My classmates from elementary to my M.A. classes look up to me up to these days.
I am also respected in the world of education, though I have not done much yet but I have already established and created my unique image and personality. I have already proven my abilities. 

But what people don't know about me is I have been exposed to domestic violence from childhood up to this moment.

I thought I have already graduated from this chaotic and hostile living, but I am wrong. I married a man who's more than a gay, a nagger, and a man who loves using invective words to insult me and disgrace me all the years of our marriage. Even in front of people, my clients, and my students, he shouts at me and treats me like an animal. He batters me every day with violent and brutal words even if I have been trying to be a good wife and to be understanding.

I'm a career woman, an entrepreneur, a professional, a scholar when I was still studying, a summa cum laude, a medalist, a champion in all contests that I joined in, but I am a loser when it comes to love.

This man always persecutes me. He always has dark thoughts about me. MY DEDICATION TO MY GOD AND TO MY CHURCH DUTIES HAVE BEEN QUESTIONED BY THIS MAN. 

This evening, September 4th, 2012, after all my classes and all my work here in my place as a tutor, an online teacher, a trainer, a housekeeper, a dishwasher, a laundress, a janitress, a carpenter, a cook,a businesswoman, a researcher, a writer, a gardener, a blogger, and everything that I always do as a person, I needed to attend to my CHURCH DUTIES which I have been doing since I was a child. I thought this man already understood me because I have been telling him that we need to assist our trainees for indoctrination. BUT TO MY DISMAY, WHILE THIS MAN WAS DRIVING MY OWN L300 VAN ON OUR WAY TO FETCHING OUR TRAINEES, HE SHOUTED AT ME AGAIN. MY EARS WERE DAMAGED AGAIN BECAUSE OF HIS VOICE. 

Imagine when a 176 feet tall man shouts at you inside a close van. What do you think will happen to you especially if he shouts at the top of his voice? And that's what he did. He shouted at the top of his voice. So my eardrums are shaken again.

He always tells me that I ALWAYS TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON WITH ME ESPECIALLY WHEN I DO INVITE PEOPLE FOR THE INDOCTRINATION. HE SAYS THAT ALL MY ACTIVITIES IRRITATE HIM. HE SAYS THAT I SHOULD NOT TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT I DO.

He keeps on telling me that I HAVE SOMEBODY IN THE CHURCH THAT I NEED TO SEE EVERY NIGHT. He keeps on telling me that I AM ALWAYS UNEASY WITHOUT ANY GUESTS FOR INDOCTRINATION. He keeps on telling me that I WANT TO BE FAMOUS SO I NEED TO GO TO CHURCH EVERY NIGHT.

ALL THESE WORDS HURT ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BADLY THAT PROMPTED ME TO BREAK MY SILENCE SINCE 1991, THE TIME I TIED A KNOT WITH HIM, NEVER KNOWING THAT MY LIFE WITH HIM WILL BE A HELL. THOUGH HE GOES TO CHURCH, BUT WHEN HE COMES HOME, HE DOESN'T REALLY APPLY AND DOESN'T REALLY IMPLEMENT ALL THE WORDS OF GOD WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE.

AFTER 21 YEARS OF LIVING WITH THIS DEVILISH MAN, I WANT TO PUT EVERYTHING IN RECORD ALL THE THINGS THAT HE HAS BEEN DOING TO ME ALL THROUGH THESE YEARS. NEVER IN MY LIFE I CELEBRATE OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. NEVER I BECOME THANKFUL OF HIS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. MY LIFE HAS BEEN A HELL, WHY SHOULD I BE THANKFUL?

HE ONLY TREATS ME WELL WHEN HE NEEDS TO ASK MONEY FROM ME. AM I A SUGAR MOMMY? I AM TOO YOUNG TO BE ONE.

IMAGINE, I WAS BORN WITH A CONGENITAL HEART DISEASE, WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A KIDNEY FAILURE IN 1983, AND HAS BEEN SUFFERING FROM MYOMA AND FOOD ALLERGIES, BUT THIS MAN NEVER THINKS OF MY HEALTH CONDITIONS. 

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD SINCE I WAS A CHILD, HE THINKS THAT I DON'T GET TIRED.
BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SMILING AND HAVE BEEN ENJOYING MY TIME WITH MY CLIENTS AND STUDENTS, THIS MAN THINKS THAT I AM A ROBOT, THAT I SHOULD NOT TAKE A REST IN MY LIFE. BECAUSE I ENJOY FOLLOWING THE WORDS OF GOD, HE THINKS THAT I AM SEEING SOMEBODY.

Whenever he doesn't have money, he always nags me. As if it is my duty to earn a living. HE IS NOT A GOOD PROVIDER SO I NEED TO WORK VERY, VERY HARD TO MAINTAIN MY GOOD LIFE WHICH HE ALSO ENJOYS. BUT HE NEVER APPRECIATES ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR HIM. I HAVE BEEN A GOOD PROVIDER FOR HIM. EVEN IF HE HAS A GOOD JOB, HE STILL DEPENDS ON ME FOR HIS DAILY ALLOWANCES.

Last month, August 2012, he told em NOT TO USE HIS NAME IN EVERYTHING THAT I DO BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN DISGRACING HIS NAME. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? SO I CHANGED MY NAME TO MY MAIDEN NAME AGAIN. SO EVERY TIME I SEE MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT, I ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT HE TOLD ME. AM I A WHORE WHO DISGRACES HIM? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT AGAIN?

Because of his devilish attitudes, I prefer not to have ANY kids with him. AND NOW, I PREFER TO BE ALONE THAN TO LIVE WITH HIM ALL MY LIFE BECAUSE EVEN IF HE LIVES WITH ME, HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF ME. HE JUST USES ME TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.